I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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