This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
