Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Even my vagina gasped.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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