She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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