After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
