I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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