# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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