I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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