How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
