Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
