Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
