weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
