moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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