peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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