Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
