And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
