Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
