go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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