I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize