Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
