YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
