That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
