I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
