a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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