Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
