Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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