rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
