Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
