and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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