We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
