u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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