i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
