i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
