I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
