my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
