I feel like abortions should bother me more
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
