call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
