You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
