I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
