Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
