Cold hands, warm shart.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
