The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
