How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
