don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
my poor anus
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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