I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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