Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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