one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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