You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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