The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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