I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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