Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize
