I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can I color on your dick again?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
