Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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