can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
