Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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