you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
