I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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