I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
