I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
