i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
