I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
