You smell like a Billy Joel song
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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