just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Everyone says I win the strip club
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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