I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize