my mouth tastes like poor choices
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize