you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
