in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
