Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Small penises have feelings too.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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