Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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