Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
