If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
