I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
