dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
