ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
