my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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