it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
