i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
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