a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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