I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
