If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
