That's when you crack a 10am beer
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
