My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
