Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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