We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
