the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
