It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
