I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
