what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
