Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
