The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
