I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
wakey wakey hands off snakey
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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