The maid of honor just puked.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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