And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
